Cyberstalking During Divorce: What to Do If You Think Your Ex Is Watching You Online
Divorce can already make you feel unsafe, unsteady, and hyper-aware of everything your ex is doing.
But if you start to suspect your ex is watching you online, tracking your location, accessing your devices, or monitoring your home technology, that fear can become overwhelming fast.
Cyberstalking during divorce is more common — and often easier — than many people realize. In a recent episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill spoke with Steven Bradley, a former FBI task force leader, cybersecurity expert, domestic violence specialist, and cyberstalking educator, about what to do if you believe your ex is digitally monitoring you during divorce.
And the biggest takeaway is this:
Do not ignore your gut. Document everything. And tell your attorney early.
What Is Cyberstalking During Divorce?
Cyberstalking during divorce can include any digital behavior that makes you feel watched, tracked, monitored, harassed, or unsafe.
It may involve:
unwanted texts or anonymous messages
spoofed phone calls
suspicious login alerts
location tracking
shared passwords
cloud account access
smart home devices
Ring doorbells or Nest thermostats
Amazon Alexa or other in-home devices
pet cameras
shared Wi-Fi access
old accounts your ex may still know how to access
Steven explains that many people think cyberstalkers are “hackers,” but often they are simply using information they already know about you: passwords, security questions, shared devices, family routines, and accounts that were never separated after the relationship ended.
In other words, your ex may not need to break into your digital life if they were never fully removed from it.
Early Warning Signs Your Ex May Be Digitally Tracking You
Cyberstalking often starts small.
You may notice something and think:
That’s weird… but maybe it’s a coincidence.
Maybe your ex seems to know where you are. Maybe your smart thermostat changes unexpectedly. Maybe you get odd texts from numbers you don’t recognize. Maybe a device connects to your account and you don’t know why.
Possible warning signs include:
your ex showing up places unexpectedly
strange messages from unknown numbers
devices acting differently
apps appearing on your phone
passwords not working
login alerts from unfamiliar locations
your ex referencing information they should not know
smart home devices changing settings
increased anonymous calls, texts, or emails
Not every weird tech issue is cyberstalking. But if you are in a contentious divorce, especially one involving control, fear, or harassment, these signs are worth documenting.
Step One: Do Not Delete Anything
If you think you may be dealing with cyberstalking, Steven’s first instruction is clear:
Do not delete anything.
Save:
screenshots
text messages
emails
phone numbers
login alerts
app notifications
suspicious device activity
photos of anything unusual
dates and times of incidents
Create a simple timeline. Write down what happened, when it happened, where you were, and what evidence you saved.
This matters because digital evidence can be time-sensitive. Some metadata, alerts, or device records may disappear or overwrite themselves. The sooner you preserve what you can, the better.
Step Two: Tell Your Divorce Attorney
If you suspect digital stalking, do not wait until you have a perfect case file.
Tell your divorce attorney.
Cyberstalking can be highly technical, and divorce attorneys may need outside experts to help connect the dots, preserve evidence, and explain what is happening clearly. In the episode, Morgan explains that this kind of evidence can be difficult for lawyers and courts to interpret without the right support.
Your job is not to become a cybersecurity investigator.
Your job is to document what you can and alert the professionals helping you.
Step Three: Secure Your Digital Life
If you are going through divorce, especially a high-conflict divorce, assume your passwords and shared accounts may need to be updated.
Start with:
changing passwords
changing security questions
turning on multi-factor authentication
reviewing location-sharing apps
checking Find My, Life360, Snap Maps, and similar tools
removing shared device access
auditing smart home devices
checking cloud accounts
reviewing old accounts you no longer use
installing reputable anti-malware protection
avoiding public Wi-Fi when possible
using a reputable VPN
Also look at the forgotten things: Alexa, pet cameras, smart scales, doorbells, children’s devices, old phones, old tablets, shared family accounts, and apps your ex may still be logged into.
Divorce is not just about separating finances and furniture. It may also require separating your digital life.
Why a Co-Parenting App May Help
If communication with your ex feels unsafe, manipulative, chaotic, or digitally risky, talk to your attorney about whether a co-parenting app makes sense.
A court-monitored co-parenting app can help keep communication contained, documented, and harder to manipulate. In the episode, Steven and Morgan discuss how tools like Our Family Wizard can help preserve communication and reduce opportunities for spoofing, altered messages, or unsafe direct contact.
How Not to Suck at Divorce listeners can save 20% off the Essentials package for the first year through Our Family Wizard.
The Bottom Line
Cyberstalking during divorce can make you feel like you are losing your mind.
But doing nothing often makes the fear worse.
If something feels off:
Document it. Save it. Tell your attorney. Secure your accounts. Get help early.
You do not need to become paranoid. You need to become aware.
And if you are worried your ex is tracking, watching, or digitally harassing you during divorce, take it seriously.
Privacy is safety.
You’ve got this.
And we’ve got you.
Listen to the Full Episode
Hear the full conversation with cybersecurity expert Steven Bradley on How Not to Suck at Divorce.
Need Help Avoiding Expensive Divorce Mistakes?
Start with the Divorce Crash Course.
The Divorce Crash Course helps you understand the biggest legal, financial, custody, communication, and emotional mistakes people make during divorce — and how to avoid them.
Typically priced at $150, available now for $50, thanks to our angel underwriters, Our Family Wizard and Soberlink.
Start here:
https://www.hownottosuckatdivorce.com/divorce-crash-course