To survive a divorce week from hell, tell your attorney you’re overwhelmed and ask which decisions can wait, write down what you can and cannot control, and give yourself permission to simplify your responsibilities and take a break. Confirm any urgent deadlines with your lawyer before postponing case-related tasks.
Your car needs an expensive repair. Your boss has scheduled a mandatory review. Your kid is vomiting. And your divorce attorney just emailed with another decision for you to make.
Of course they did. Apparently, your calendar had room for one more disaster.
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Andrea Rappaport and family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill discuss what to do when an already difficult divorce collides with an absolutely terrible week. They recorded this conversation while both having their own dumpster-fire days, so the advice comes with realistic expectations, questionable dinner plans, and absolutely no pressure to become your best self by Thursday.
Their focus: three practical steps to help you get through the week without making rushed decisions that could create more work, stress, or expense.
Why Should You Be Careful About Divorce Decisions During a Bad Week?
When problems keep piling up, you may feel pressure to start fixing everything immediately. The car needs attention. Work needs an answer. Your child needs you. By the time a divorce question arrives, you’re already in the habit of responding, deciding, and moving to the next emergency.
As Andrea points out in the episode, that momentum can carry you into a decision that deserves more attention than you can give it right now.
The desire to get something off your plate is understandable. But agreeing to something simply because you cannot tolerate one more conversation may leave you dealing with the consequences later. Morgan and Andrea encourage listeners to pause long enough to distinguish a genuine deadline from a decision that can wait.
1. Tell Your Divorce Attorney You’re Having a Bad Week
Morgan’s first recommendation is to let your attorney know what’s happening. If you’re struggling to keep up, a concise message gives your lawyer useful information instead of leaving them wondering whether you received their emails.
You don’t need to send the complete documentary about your week. Your attorney needs to know that your availability and ability to focus are limited, and that you need help identifying what requires attention.
A message could look like this:
“I’m dealing with several personal and work issues this week and have limited capacity for major decisions. Please let me know what is urgent, what deadlines apply, and what we can safely postpone.”
That last part matters. Morgan specifically notes that taking a breather depends on whether there is an emergency or a major deadline in your case. Check with your attorney rather than assuming everything can stop.
Can Taking a Break From Divorce Decisions Save Money?
In the episode, Morgan explains that attorneys may continue following up when they don’t know why a client hasn’t responded. Communicating your situation can help avoid that confusion.
Andrea also raises the cost of trying to undo a rushed decision. Some decisions may be difficult or impossible to revisit, and additional work can mean additional expense. A short conversation about timing gives you and your attorney a chance to plan around your actual circumstances.
You’re still participating in your case. You’re being honest about what you can handle this week.
2. Write Down What You Can and Cannot Control
The second step is to get the problems out of your head and onto paper—or into your notes app, if that works better for you.
Morgan and Andrea recommend making two columns: what I can control and what I cannot control. The purpose is to acknowledge everything taking up your attention while separating possible actions from situations you Morgan and Andrea recommend making two columns: what I can control and what I cannot control. The purpose is to acknowledge everything taking up your attention while separating possible actions from situations you cannot personally resolve.
Some situations belong in both columns. You may have practical steps you can take while still being unable to control the underlying problem.
Andrea emphasizes that the second column deserves space, too. Something can require your energy even when there is no task you can complete to make it disappear. Writing it down lets you see the full load you’re carrying.
And if your first attempt at journaling consists entirely of the word “fuck,” Morgan understands. In this episode, that was essentially the starting point.
What Do You Do With the List?
Use the column you can act on to identify your next manageable task. Keep it specific: find the requested statement, send the brief email, or make the appointment.
For the things you cannot control, acknowledge that they are happening without treating each one as another assignment. Your ex being difficult does not necessarily give you a new problem you can solve before dinner.
3. Give Yourself Permission to Simplify the Week
Morgan describes the third step as giving yourself permission to survive. Ordinary responsibilities can feel enormous when you’re already stretched thin, and some of them can be adjusted.
Dinner is the example that gets considerable airtime in this episode.
Andrea usually cooks from scratch. During her terrible week, the planned chicken parmesan became takeout. Morgan’s attempt at chicken Caesar wraps went sideways when she accidentally had the groceries delivered to her office on a Sunday.
The raw chicken was downtown. Morgan was not. Dinner required a new plan.
The point is familiar to anyone who has stared into a refrigerator while feeling one inconvenience away from tears: you can change the plan. You can make something easy, order food if your budget allows, or leave a nonessential chore for another day.
You don’t need to add guilt about dinner to an already overloaded evening.
How Can You Take a Break When Your Problems Are Still There?
Andrea’s suggestion is to choose something that gives your attention somewhere else to go. For her, that sometimes means taking a walk while listening to an entertaining podcast.
Her personal choice is Crime Junkie, which leads to some understandable questions from Morgan. Andrea explains that she finds the storytelling absorbing, even when she isn’t in the mood for comedy or someone trying to cheer her up.
That is her preference, and yours may be entirely different. Choose something you enjoy and can comfortably follow. The useful part is having a period of time when you aren’t reviewing the same divorce problems.
You do not have to force yourself to laugh. You also don’t have to turn your break into homework. An entertaining show can simply be an entertaining show.
What Should You Remember During Your Worst Divorce Week?
Come back to the three steps from the episode:
Tell your attorney you’re struggling. Ask what needs attention now and what can safely wait.
Make your two-column list. Separate the actions available to you from the circumstances you cannot control.
Simplify something and take a break. Adjust an ordinary expectation and give yourself time away from problem-solving.
You may still have a hard week after doing these things. The goal is to make it more manageable and help you avoid adding rushed decisions or unnecessary pressure to everything already happening.
As Morgan and Andrea remind listeners, divorce is a marathon. Some weeks require you to reconsider the pace.
Find Support for the Hardest Days of Divorce
Listen to this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce with Andrea Rappaport and Morgan L. Stogsdill for the full conversation about managing divorce stress when everything else is going wrong, too.
For additional support, explore the Divorce Crash Course and our Divorce Pep Talks, formerly called guided divorce meditations, at How Not to Suck at Divorce. You can also join our free private community to connect with other people navigating the process.
If you’re preparing to begin, grab the free Pre-Divorce Checklist.
For today, send the necessary message, make the list, and reconsider whether that chicken parmesan really needs to happen.
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you.
This article provides general information, not legal advice. Ask your own attorney about decisions, deadlines, and requirements in your case.