Episode 187. What to Do When Your Spouse Is Stalling Your Divorce (And Won’t Respond)
If you’re in a divorce and the other side is dragging their feet—ignoring emails, “needing more time,” missing deadlines, or acting like your case is Amazon Prime delayed until further notice—welcome. You are not alone.
And yes, it’s infuriating.
But here’s the part most people miss: stalling is a strategy (or a symptom), and the way you respond determines whether your case moves forward… or stays stuck.
In this week’s episode of How Not To Suck At Divorce, we broke down exactly what to do when the other side won’t respond—and when it’s time to stop asking nicely and start creating structure.
Why do people stall in divorce?
There are usually three buckets:
1) They don’t have their shit together.
They’re missing financial documents, they haven’t completed affidavits, they’re overwhelmed, or they’re disorganized. This is common.
2) They want you to panic-settle.
Some people delay because they think you’ll get desperate and agree to worse terms just to make it end.
3) It’s a power play.
Silence can be control. If they know stalling makes you spiral, they may keep doing it because it’s working.
Here’s the hard truth: your spouse knows your buttons. If ignoring you pushes you into emotional chaos, they might press that button again and again.
The first question you need to ask your lawyer
Before you go full “file everything, burn it down,” ask:
“Is this delay normal, or is it strategic stalling?”
Those are two totally different situations.
If it’s normal delay: you want realistic expectations and a clean plan.
If it’s strategic stalling: you need leverage and structure.
A good lawyer will often know immediately if the opposing attorney is chronically slow, overloaded, or intentionally difficult.
The #1 thing that moves a stalled case: structure
This is the part nobody wants to hear: the legal system does not reward urgency just because you’re miserable.
Divorce isn’t instant delivery. The court moves at the court’s pace.
So what works?
Court dates
Mediation deadlines
Motion hearings
Trial dates
The second a real deadline is looming, people “perk up.” That’s not emotional—it’s procedural.
When the time is right, get aggressive
Morgan said it best:
“Talk is cheap. When the time is right, file the motion. Put your money where your mouth is.”
That doesn’t mean running into court the first time someone asks for an extension. Judges typically give leeway early on. If you file too soon, you can waste money just to hear: “Give them two more weeks.”
But when the other side repeatedly ignores deadlines or refuses to cooperate, your attorney may have options like:
Motions to compel (forcing them to turn over documents)
Subpoenas (banks, employers, third parties—hello accountability)
Discovery tools (requests that require responses by a deadline)
Depositions (sometimes the notice alone changes behavior)
Translation: your spouse can ignore you, but they can’t ignore the process forever.
The emotional trap: silence makes you spiral
Stalling is extra brutal because silence creates stories.
Our brains hate unanswered questions, so we fill in the blanks with worst-case scenarios:
“They’re getting away with something.”
“My lawyer isn’t doing anything.”
“I’m going to be stuck forever.”
“I have no control.”
This is where people end up spending thousands of dollars on emotional reactions:
late-night emails to their attorney
impulsive threats
messy texts
social media posts
pushing for aggressive moves too early
And that rarely helps your case.
Your goal is to stay off the roller coaster and stay on the chessboard.
What can I do if my spouse won’t respond in a divorce?
Start by getting clarity: Is the delay normal or strategic? Ask your lawyer for the step-by-step plan and the point at which court intervention makes sense. If it becomes a pattern, tools like motions to compel, subpoenas, and setting court dates can create pressure and structure.
When should I file a motion in my divorce?
Not every delay is worth a motion. But repeated missed deadlines, ongoing noncompliance, or strategic refusal to participate often require formal action. The key is timing: file when you can actually gain traction—not when you’re just angry.
Can a divorce be delayed on purpose?
Yes. Some spouses stall to maintain control, wear you down financially, or push you into accepting worse terms. Other times it’s simply disorganization. Either way, the solution is the same: structure + strategy.
How do I know if the delay is my spouse or their attorney?
Your attorney may recognize patterns in the other lawyer’s behavior (slow response, overloaded caseload, poor organization). Sometimes it’s the client hiding documents. Sometimes it’s counsel. The move is to ask your lawyer directly what they think is driving the delay—because your strategy depends on the “why.”
What’s the best way to stop stalling tactics?
Deadlines with consequences. Mediation timelines can help when both parties participate. If they won’t, court pressure—motions, discovery, subpoenas, and trial dates—creates the momentum you can’t get through polite emails.
One unpopular truth (that might save you): sometimes it’s your lawyer.
If your attorney isn’t setting expectations, isn’t giving you a clear plan, or keeps “waiting one more month” with no strategic reason… you’re allowed to speak up.
Say it plainly:
“I’m unhappy with the lack of movement.”
“What is our plan and timeline?”
“At what point do we file?”
“What tools are we using to create structure?”
And if you don’t get clarity or confidence, it’s okay to get a second opinion.
Final takeaway
If your divorce is stalling, do not confuse waiting with helplessness.
You can’t control your spouse’s behavior. But you can control your strategy—and strategy is what moves cases forward.
Remember:
Get clarity: normal delay vs. strategic stalling
Create structure: deadlines, court dates, trial dates
Use leverage: motions, discovery, subpoenas when appropriate
Protect your peace: don’t spiral in the silence
And on the days you feel like you can’t do this?
You’ve got this.
And we’ve got you.