The Biggest Divorce Mistakes People Make (And How to Avoid Them)
Divorce is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a person can go through. At the same time, it requires you to make some of the most important financial, legal, and parenting decisions of your life.
That combination of high emotions and high stakes is exactly why so many people make mistakes during divorce.
Some mistakes are small.
Others can cost thousands of dollars, years of conflict, or even impact your relationship with your children.
At How Not to Suck at Divorce, we’ve seen these patterns over and over again. In fact, in a recent mini episode of the podcast, Andrea Rappaport shared five of the most common divorce mistakes people make — including a few lessons she learned the hard way during her own divorce.
If you’re navigating divorce right now, understanding what not to do can be just as important as knowing what to do.
Why People Make Bad Decisions During Divorce
Divorce puts your brain under enormous stress.
You may be dealing with:
fear about finances
uncertainty about custody
betrayal or anger
pressure to make fast decisions
legal conflict with your spouse
When your nervous system is overwhelmed, it’s easy to respond emotionally instead of strategically.
Unfortunately, emotional reactions often create bigger legal and financial problems down the road.
That’s why learning the biggest divorce mistakes ahead of time can help you protect yourself and your future.
The 5 Biggest Divorce Mistakes People Make
1. Taking Legal Advice From Friends Instead of Professionals
One of the most common divorce mistakes is relying on advice from friends who went through their own divorce.
The problem is that divorce laws vary dramatically by state and can also change over time.
For example:
Some states are more willing to award long-term alimony.
Others focus primarily on short-term rehabilitative support.
Property division rules vary depending on jurisdiction.
Advice that worked for a friend’s divorce may not apply to your situation at all.
Relying on outdated or out-of-state advice can create unrealistic expectations and lead to unnecessary legal expenses.
The best source of guidance will always be a qualified family law attorney who understands the laws where you live.
2. Reacting Emotionally to Your Ex
Divorce often brings out intense emotions — anger, sadness, fear, and frustration.
When an ex sends a threatening email or aggressive message, it’s natural to want to respond immediately.
But reacting emotionally is one of the biggest divorce mistakes people make.
Your nervous system needs time to calm down before you can think clearly.
Experts suggest that it takes about 20 minutes for the body to begin resetting after a stress trigger.
Before responding to a difficult message, give yourself time to regulate your emotions.
You can try:
taking a walk
drinking ice-cold water
doing short bursts of exercise
stepping away from your phone or computer
Strategic responses are almost always better than emotional ones.
3. Oversharing With New Romantic Partners
Dating during divorce happens more often than people admit.
While it can feel comforting to have emotional support, involving a new partner in the details of your divorce can create unnecessary complications.
New partners may:
become emotionally invested in the conflict
offer advice that doesn’t apply to your case
unintentionally escalate tensions
It can also create loyalty conflicts if their advice differs from your attorney’s guidance.
For most people, it’s healthier to keep the legal aspects of divorce separate from a new relationship.
4. Speaking Too Freely in Court or Legal Proceedings
Divorce court can feel intimidating, especially when hearings take place online or involve multiple cases in the same session.
One important rule to remember:
Always let your attorney lead the conversation.
Judges expect attorneys to present arguments and guide the legal discussion.
Speaking out of turn or volunteering unnecessary information can create confusion or undermine your attorney’s strategy.
When you are in court, speak clearly and honestly when asked — but otherwise allow your attorney to handle the legal communication.
5. Believing the Hurtful Things Your Ex Says
Divorce can become emotionally toxic.
During the process, some people say things designed to hurt or destabilize the other person.
These comments can sometimes plant seeds of doubt — even when you know they aren’t true.
You might hear things like:
“You’ll never survive without me.”
“You’re a terrible parent.”
“No one else will ever want you.”
These statements are often attempts to gain control or emotional leverage.
It’s important to remember that divorce is a legal process — not a reflection of your worth as a person.
Your focus right now is not personal transformation.
Your focus is getting through the process and protecting your future.
Divorce Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint
One of the most important things to remember about divorce is that it takes time.
Some days will feel manageable.
Other days will feel overwhelming.
Progress during divorce is rarely linear.
What matters most is continuing to move forward, even when things feel difficult.
Divorce is not the end of your story.
For many people, it becomes the beginning of a stronger and healthier chapter of their lives.
Listen to the Podcast Episode
In this mini episode of the How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast, Andrea Rappaport shares the five mistakes discussed in this article along with personal stories and practical advice for navigating the divorce process.
🎧 Listen to the full episode:
5 Things You Should Never Do During a Divorce
About the How Not to Suck at Divorce Podcast
The How Not to Suck at Divorce podcast provides honest, practical guidance for people navigating divorce.
Hosted by Andrea Rappaport and family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill, the show covers topics including:
divorce strategy
co-parenting
emotional resilience
legal insights
life after divorce
Each episode is designed to help listeners move through divorce with clarity, confidence, and support.
Because while divorce is difficult, you don’t have to go through it alone.