7 Divorce Mistakes That Make Your Case More Expensive
Divorce is expensive enough without accidentally making it more expensive yourself.
And yet, according to divorce attorneys, clients do this all the time.
Not because they are irresponsible. Not because they do not care about their case. Usually, it is exactly the opposite. Divorce makes people feel like everything is out of control: their money, their children, their home, their future. So they start trying to regain some of that control.
They research. They email. They strategize. They negotiate. They ask ChatGPT. They rewrite things. They follow up. And sometimes, while trying desperately to help their divorce case, they create more work for their attorney and more legal fees for themselves.
On this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family law attorney Morgan Stogsdill explains the divorce mistakes lawyers wish their clients would stop making — and what to do instead.
1. Stop Trying to Be Your Own Divorce Lawyer
There is a difference between being an informed client and trying to run your own divorce case.
An informed client asks questions, understands the strategy, gathers the information their lawyer needs, and participates meaningfully in decisions.
A client trying to be their own attorney starts dictating strategy, drafting legal language, deciding what should happen next, and trying to move the case several steps ahead of where it actually is.
Morgan sees this happen when clients send repeated emails explaining what they think the legal strategy should be — sometimes months before the case is even at that stage. The intention may be to save attorney time, but the result can be the opposite. Your lawyer now has to review your proposed strategy, explain why it may not apply yet, redirect the case, and then do the actual legal work anyway.
Your divorce attorney does not need you to practice law.
They need you to give them the information they need to practice law well.
2. Be Very Careful Using AI for Divorce Legal Advice
Yes, we use AI.
We know you are going to use AI.
Your robot friend can be incredibly useful during divorce. It can help you organize information, create a timeline, brainstorm questions for your lawyer, summarize documents you are trying to understand, or even help you calm down at two in the morning when your brain has decided that everything is an emergency.
But AI should not become your divorce strategist.
One problem is that AI can produce extraordinarily confident answers even when those answers are incomplete, unrealistic, or wrong for your specific case. Your divorce lawyer knows your jurisdiction, your judge, your opposing counsel, the procedural posture of your case, and the countless practical realities that cannot be found in a generic prompt.
As Morgan points out in the episode, a lawyer may know that a particular judge simply does not care about the issue you are preparing to spend thousands of dollars arguing about. ChatGPT does not know that.
AI can help you organize your divorce.
It should not run your divorce.
3. Stop Rewriting Legal Documents Yourself
This is another place where clients think they are saving money and may actually be increasing their divorce attorney fees.
You receive a proposed order or agreement. Something in it scares you or does not make sense. So you open the document and start rewriting it. Maybe you use Track Changes. Maybe you paste the whole thing into ChatGPT or Claude and ask it to “fix” the language.
Now your lawyer receives a heavily edited document containing legal language that may not work, provisions that may not be enforceable, or changes that create entirely new problems.
Your lawyer then has to undo the revisions, explain why they do not work, and redraft the document.
Morgan offers a much cheaper alternative: use comments.
If you do not understand a paragraph, add a comment.
If something worries you, add a comment.
If you disagree with something, add a comment.
Then schedule a conversation with your attorney and walk through those questions together.
You are still actively participating in your case without accidentally creating three more hours of legal work.
4. Stop Emailing Your Divorce Lawyer Every Time You Feel Anxious
Waiting during divorce is awful.
You are waiting for your spouse.
Waiting for opposing counsel.
Waiting for financial documents.
Waiting for a court date.
Waiting for your attorney to call.
And when you are anxious, silence feels like something is wrong.
So you send an email.
Then another one.
Then another.
But sometimes your divorce lawyer has not contacted you because there is simply nothing new to tell you yet. They are still waiting for opposing counsel or another party to respond. Multiple follow-ups do not necessarily make the answer arrive faster — but your attorney still has to read and respond to those messages, which can increase your legal fees.
Instead, ask for expectations and a plan.
Try:
“It’s been X amount of time since we heard from opposing counsel. What is a realistic timeframe for a response, and if we don’t hear back by then, what would our next step be?”
Now you have a timeline.
You have a next step.
And your nervous system has something besides catastrophic imagination to work with.
And this is one of the many reasons why our Guided Divorce Meditations are so popular…just sayin’.
5. Do Not Negotiate With Your Ex Without Knowing Your Boundaries
We spend a lot of time telling people going through divorce to stop fighting about everything.
And we mean it.
If you and your spouse can resolve issues without paying two attorneys to negotiate every toaster, Tuesday, and Target receipt, fantastic.
But there is an important distinction between negotiating and being pressured into an agreement.
This becomes particularly important in high-conflict divorce or relationships where one person historically held more power or control.
Morgan explains that direct negotiation can absolutely save money — but you should understand your options before you walk into that conversation. Know what your lawyer believes is reasonable. Know where you have flexibility. Know where your hard boundaries are. Know what the risks are before your ex starts telling you what is “fair.”
The goal is not to let your attorney make every decision for you.
The goal is to walk into negotiations informed enough to make your own decisions.
6. Stop Hiding Things From Your Divorce Attorney
Your divorce lawyer needs the ugly version.
The embarrassing version.
The version where you did something stupid.
The version where you sent the text you should not have sent.
The version where money is missing.
The version where you already told your spouse you would accept something before talking to your attorney.
Your attorney cannot protect you from information they do not have.
Sometimes people withhold information because they are afraid of being billed for another conversation. Sometimes they are embarrassed. Sometimes they desperately do not want their spouse to find something out.
But hiding important facts from your attorney can damage both your strategy and your attorney’s ability to represent you. Morgan explains that intentional withholding of significant information can become serious enough that an attorney may withdraw from a case.
Tell your lawyer.
Then let your lawyer tell you what actually matters.
7. Stop Confusing Activity With Progress
Divorce makes us want to do something.
Anything.
Write the email.
Research another attorney.
Draft another proposal.
Send another follow-up.
Ask AI another question.
Negotiate another issue.
But doing more does not always mean moving your divorce forward.
Sometimes the most strategic thing you can do is wait.
Sometimes it is letting your attorney handle the part you hired them to handle.
Sometimes it is documenting something and then going to make dinner.
Sometimes it is recognizing that your anxiety wants immediate action while your divorce case requires patience.
You hired your lawyer for a reason. As Morgan says in the episode, a good attorney wants to do their job well — but they need complete information, room to develop strategy, and a client who works with them rather than around them.
How to Save Money on Divorce Attorney Fees
One of the best ways to lower divorce costs is not finding the cheapest lawyer.
It is learning how to use your lawyer effectively.
Bring organized questions to meetings. Ask what work you can appropriately handle yourself. Clarify timelines. Use your therapist and support system for emotional processing. Give your attorney complete information. Understand your legal boundaries before negotiating directly with your spouse.
And when you are tempted to send the fourth email of the week asking whether opposing counsel has responded yet, remember: sometimes there is no update because there is no update.
Your attorney is expensive.
Use that time for the things only your attorney can do.
The Bottom Line
Most of these divorce mistakes come from fear.
You are living through something enormous, and you want certainty in a process that often provides very little of it.
So you try to control what you can.
That instinct makes sense.
But sometimes going the extra mile actually takes you farther away from the outcome you want.
Get educated. Ask questions. Use technology intelligently. Stay involved in your divorce case.
And then let the professionals you hired do the jobs you hired them to do.
Because divorce is already hard enough.
You do not need to accidentally make it harder — or more expensive.
And if you want help understanding the divorce process before your next expensive decision, check out the Divorce Crash Course, available now for $50 thanks to OurFamilyWizard and Soberlink.