Your Questions- ANSWERED. What to do When You Have a Stalling Spouse or an Attorney Who Won’t Return Your Calls…

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You’re ready to move forward, but your spouse keeps dragging their feet. Your divorce lawyer isn’t returning your calls. Meanwhile, you’re wondering whether those angry texts you sent last year will come back to haunt you. Divorce has a way of making you feel like everyone else has control over your life—and you’re just waiting for someone to answer an email.

In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, family-law attorney Morgan L. Stogsdill and comedian and marketing professional Andrea Rappaport answer real divorce questions from our listeners. We discuss stalled divorce proceedings, communication you wish you could take back, an unresponsive attorney, and whether to tell your children that infidelity is the reason your marriage is ending.

These are the questions people ask when “divorce is a marathon” stops feeling reassuring and starts making them want to throw something. Let’s talk about what comes next.

What Can You Do When Your Spouse Is Stalling the Divorce?

One listener asked how to “blow something up” in a healthy way after waiting endlessly for a spouse to move forward. We understand the impulse. When your future feels dependent on someone who refuses to participate, doing something dramatic can sound pretty appealing.

But the first question is whether you’re still deciding what to do about your marriage or already in the divorce process. Those situations call for different conversations.

If you haven’t filed, Morgan discusses setting a personal timeframe and identifying your next step. That could mean meeting with an attorney, exploring counseling, or deciding how long you’re willing to continue without a plan. The point is to give yourself something more concrete than hoping your spouse wakes up tomorrow ready to cooperate.

If you’ve already filed for divorce, the conversation shifts to legal strategy. Morgan explains that, depending on the case, your attorney may consider discovery, subpoenas, or asking the court to establish deadlines and a schedule. Those are options to discuss with your lawyer, who can assess what the delay involves and what response makes sense.

There’s an important distinction here: putting a case on a court schedule may create movement, but it does not guarantee a settlement. Morgan makes that clear in the episode. If you take a step toward trial, you need to understand the possibility that the case could actually get there, along with the costs and risks.

You don’t need a dramatic explosion. You need a conversation with your attorney about what can happen next, what it could accomplish, and what it could cost.

Can Angry Text Messages Affect Your Divorce?

Another listener had gotten better at responding calmly to their soon-to-be ex but worried about the messages they sent before they learned how to manage those reactions.

It’s a familiar fear. You’ve made progress, but somewhere there’s a screenshot of a version of yourself you would very much like to retire.

Morgan’s answer centers on accountability. Improving your communication does not erase past behavior. But acknowledging what happened and making real changes can provide important context. That might involve therapy, taking your lawyer’s feedback seriously, or using a more structured way to communicate with your coparent.

This is also why you want your attorney to see the messages you’re worried about. If your lawyer tells you a response looks bad, that feedback is an opportunity to address a problem. Defending every sentence because your ex “started it” doesn’t help your attorney help you.

We also discuss OurFamilyWizard and its ToneMeter feature as a tool to consider for coparenting communication. Sometimes you need a pause between feeling something and sending something. Listeners can use our link for 20% off their first year.

What If Your Divorce Lawyer Isn’t Returning Your Calls?

Waiting for your spouse is frustrating. Waiting weeks for the professional you hired to help you is a different kind of frustration—especially when you’re still sharing a home with your soon-to-be ex and the situation is taking a toll on you and your children.

Morgan recommends a direct conversation about communication expectations. Explain what is happening at home, what you need help with, and how the delays are affecting you. Ask what response time is realistic, who you should contact when your attorney is unavailable, and how urgent concerns are handled.

Your lawyer may be managing a trial or another demanding matter. That makes a clear communication plan especially important. In the episode, we discuss how an assistant, paralegal, or another person in the office may be able to acknowledge your message and explain the next step.

If you cannot get that conversation scheduled, or the same pattern continues after you address it, a second opinion may help you evaluate your options. You can respect your attorney’s expertise and still ask whether the working relationship is meeting your needs.

Should You Tell Your Children You’re Divorcing Because of Infidelity?

This question came up more than once in our community: how do you tell the kids that their parent’s affair is the reason for the divorce?

Our discussion starts with separating two things: your very understandable desire to tell the truth and your children’s need to be protected from adult conflict.

Being cheated on can leave you furious, devastated, and desperate for someone to understand what happened. Your children should not have to carry those feelings or decide which parent deserves their loyalty. The divorce conversation needs to focus on what is changing in their lives, what will stay consistent where possible, and the reassurance they need.

If your children already know about the affair or ask direct questions, the situation becomes more specific. We discuss getting help from a therapist who can guide an age-appropriate conversation based on your family’s circumstances. You don’t have to invent the perfect answer while you’re hurting.

For more support, explore our divorce podcast playlists, including episodes about navigating infidelity.

You Need a Plan—and Sometimes a Minute to Breathe

The thread running through these divorce questions is the need for a next step. What can your lawyer do about the delay? What can you change about your communication? Who can help you talk to your children? Having a plan won’t make every day easy, but it can make the next conversation feel more manageable.

And when you’re too overwhelmed to have that conversation yet, our guided meditations for divorce offer a place to pause and breathe before you return to what needs your attention.

Listen to “Divorce Questions Answered: A Stalling Spouse & a Lawyer Who Won’t Call Back” on How Not to Suck at Divorce. We cover the hard questions, disagree a little, and leave room for the humor that helps you get through the day.

You don’t have to figure out divorce by yourself. We’ve got you.

This article and episode provide general information, not legal advice. Discuss your circumstances with an attorney licensed in your jurisdiction.