5 People Who Suck at Divorce More Than You (Yes, Really)
Let’s just start here:
If you think you’re messing up your divorce…
you are not.
In fact, you might be crushing it compared to some of the absolute nonsense judges have had to deal with.
In this mini episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, we decided to give you a break from the heavy stuff — and remind you that no matter how chaotic your situation feels…
Someone is doing it worse.
Like… much worse.
🧘♀️ The $15,000 Bedazzled Buddha
We’ll call her Brenda.
Brenda was furious that Chad “stole” something from the marital home.
What was it?
A $15,000 bedazzled Buddha statue.
Covered in Chanel C’s.
That lived in her closet.
So naturally, we went to court.
Do you know what it cost to fight for that Buddha?
Over double its value.
Did we get it back?
Yes.
Was it financially responsible?
Absolutely not.
Lesson: Just because something matters emotionally does not mean it makes sense legally.
🧯 The $100,000 Ashtray
This one isn’t ours — but it’s real.
A divorcing couple spent $100,000 litigating over…
an ashtray.
After years of fighting, the wife won the ashtray.
And then?
She smashed it on the courthouse steps.
Iconic? Maybe.
Financially devastating? Absolutely.
Lesson: Winning the fight is not the same as winning your life back.
🎮 The Video Game Crime
A 43-year-old piano teacher in Japan hacked her husband’s gaming account during their divorce and destroyed his avatar and digital property.
Here’s the twist:
He had invested real money into the game.
In Japan, that’s considered in-game crime.
She was facing five years in prison or a $5,000 fine.
Lesson: Revenge feels powerful for about 12 seconds. Consequences last longer.
🎶 Beyoncé as a Weapon
One client didn’t want to see her ex when he came (with a police escort) to retrieve belongings.
So she logged into the security system and blasted Beyoncé’s “To the Left” on repeat through the speakers the entire time.
Is that technically illegal?
No.
Is it hilarious?
Yes.
Is it helpful to the legal process?
Debatable.
Lesson: Emotional wins are not legal wins.
🧟 The Zombie Defense
And finally…
A man once tried to avoid signing divorce papers by claiming he was technically dead.
He argued that since his heart stopped briefly years earlier, he had “died,” meaning the marriage had already ended.
Unfortunately for him, he showed up to court… alive.
The judge was not impressed.
Lesson: Judges have seen everything. Do not try to out-creative the courtroom.
So What’s the Point?
This episode isn’t just entertainment.
It’s perspective.
When you let ego, revenge, or pettiness run your divorce, you:
Spend more money
Extend the timeline
Stress yourself out
And often get the same legal outcome anyway
Divorce is a marathon.
It is not a sprint.
It is not a revenge tour.
Sometimes you need facts.
Sometimes you need strategy.
And sometimes… you just need to laugh so you don’t cry.
If you’re doggy paddling through your divorce, take a breath.
You’re not the zombie guy.
You’re not the ashtray couple.
You’re doing just fine.