Stop Emailing Your Divorce Lawyer: The Communication Mistake That’s Costing You Thousands
If you’re going through a divorce, chances are your inbox has become a battlefield.
Emails from your ex. Emails from their attorney. Emails from your own attorney. And maybe—if you’re like most people—emails you’re firing off at midnight when your brain won’t stop spinning.
It feels productive. It feels like you’re staying on top of things.
But here’s the truth: that constant emailing may actually be costing you more money—and more emotional distress—than you realize.
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan Stogsdill breaks down one of the most expensive communication mistakes people make during divorce and explains how to fix it.
Why Email Isn’t Always the Best Way to Communicate With Your Divorce Lawyer
Most people assume email is the cheapest, safest way to communicate with their attorney. It feels efficient. Controlled. Less intimidating than a phone call or face-to-face meeting.
But divorce isn’t just about exchanging information. It’s about building strategy.
When you rely on fragmented, emotional emails, you’re often:
Communicating without context
Asking questions without clear objectives
Paying your attorney to piece together your emotional state instead of building your legal strategy
Even worse, email strips away tone. What might be a neutral statement from your attorney can feel dismissive, harsh, or alarming when read without hearing their voice or seeing their expression.
This erodes trust—and trust is everything in the attorney-client relationship.
The Real Secret: Strategic Conversations Save You Money
It may sound counterintuitive, but a focused phone call or face-to-face meeting is often far more cost-effective than a string of emotional emails.
Why?
Because you can accomplish in 20 minutes what might otherwise take days of back-and-forth email exchanges.
When you prepare for a call with clear bullet points and specific goals, your attorney can:
Provide strategic guidance immediately
Help you prioritize what actually matters
Prevent you from wasting hours chasing irrelevant details
Reduce unnecessary legal work (and legal fees)
Most importantly, you walk away with clarity.
And clarity is one of the most valuable assets you can have during divorce.
Stop Trying to Be Your Own Lawyer
One of the biggest mistakes people make is trying to handle everything themselves before involving their attorney.
You might receive a long list of document requests from your ex and immediately panic, spending hours gathering information without knowing whether it’s even necessary.
You might obsessively search through text messages, emails, or financial records trying to build your case.
But without strategy, effort can quickly become wasted energy.
Your attorney’s job is to help you determine:
What matters
What doesn’t
What’s worth pursuing
And what’s worth ignoring
You don’t need to solve your divorce alone.
That’s why you hired professional help.
Trust Is Built Through Connection, Not Just Transactions
Here’s something most people don’t realize: your comfort and trust in your attorney directly impact your divorce outcome.
If you avoid communicating because you’re afraid of being billed, you may:
Feel uncertain about your strategy
Make impulsive or emotional decisions
Lose confidence in your legal team
Increase your overall stress and anxiety
Face-to-face meetings, phone calls, or even video calls allow you to build rapport and trust. They allow your attorney to understand your priorities—not just your paperwork.
And when trust is present, decision-making becomes easier.
You Don’t Have to Respond to Everything Immediately
Another major misconception? That every request from your ex—or their attorney—requires an immediate response.
It doesn’t.
Divorce is not a race. It’s a strategic process.
Taking time to consult with your attorney before responding can prevent costly mistakes and unnecessary escalation.
Reacting emotionally may feel satisfying in the moment, but strategic restraint often produces better long-term outcomes.
When It Might Be Time to Consult Another Attorney
If you’ve made an effort to communicate clearly and still feel uncertain, uncomfortable, or unsupported, it may be worth seeking a second opinion.
Consulting another attorney doesn’t mean you have to switch.
Sometimes, simply hearing that your current attorney’s strategy is sound can provide enormous peace of mind.
And peace of mind during divorce is priceless.
Divorce Is Emotional—But Your Strategy Shouldn’t Be
Divorce brings fear, uncertainty, anger, and grief. That’s normal.
But your communication with your attorney should help stabilize you—not amplify your anxiety.
Strategic communication saves money. It saves time. And it helps you make better decisions.
Before you send that next emotional email, pause.
Take a breath.
Write down your questions.
And schedule a conversation that moves your case—and your life—forward.
Listen to the Full Episode
In this episode of How Not to Suck at Divorce, Morgan breaks down:
When to email vs. call vs. meet face-to-face
How to prepare for attorney conversations
When to seek a second opinion
The most common communication mistakes during divorce
And how to protect yourself emotionally and financially
Because remember: divorce is a marathon, not a sprint.
And you don’t have to suck at it.